Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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