You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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