Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
