I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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