You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
soo... how was my night?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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