HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
