What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
