It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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