I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
