Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
