i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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