doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
