Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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