DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
