also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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