Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
