He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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