Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
