Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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