Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
