i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
