its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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