which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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