I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
