Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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