he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Success! We fucked roommates!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize