shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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