ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hippo gnu deer
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
