How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
