whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
