wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
