And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
