I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
