yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
