Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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