so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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