I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
