My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
