so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
