I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
