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i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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