I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Randomize
