Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
That's how pantless uber rides happen
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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