if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
