Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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