She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
