I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
