life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
