Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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