No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
