i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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