he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
