you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
