my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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