I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
