Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The Olympian is in my bed
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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