Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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