I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
