a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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