Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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