I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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