Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
