I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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