Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
