Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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