she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
