I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
