"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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