OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The beer is more important than you right now.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
