So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
