sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
