I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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