sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
