Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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