Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
