At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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