If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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