Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
