when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he fucked my hip out of place.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
be right there i have to get my cape
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
