you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
