Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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