My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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