I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
