they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
