i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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