Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
