I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
