in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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