he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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