i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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