So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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