Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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