Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
