I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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