distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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